Friday, June 20, 2008

A Reflection on Friends

Last night, I went out to dinner with two of my best friends. There is actually a group of us who met my first year at the school where I teach who are really close, but only the three of us could get together last night. It seems like whenever we are together we always have a conversation about how lucky we are to have such an awesome friendship. It was weird how the group of us instantly connected. For me, I felt so blessed because it is usually hard for me to create solid friendships with other women. I have plenty of acquaintances that I can hang out and have a good time with, and many people I consider friends who I can laugh, cry, and even somewhat confide in. But, this group of girlfriends...well what we have is just beyond special.

I think what makes our friendship so perfect is how easy it is. We check up on each other when we get a minute and this could just be a simple text "thinking of ya" and make time for each other at least one night a month to go out and just be. At the same time we don't get upset when we haven't heard from each other in a few days, but rather chalk it up to the person being busy. When we have free time we try to connect as much as possible and some of us are able to get together more than others. The great thing is that our husbands and families also get along so we can even enjoy family time together. With my group of friends, I can just be myself, never pretending or trying to live up to some expectations that I believe they have for me.

During our three hour dinner last night, we talked about how lucky we are to have such an easy friendship. We discussed how at the point in our lives we just don't have time to work at a friendship. We all have those friends where it seems like you are the one who is constantly putting yourself out there, checking in, inviting them over, trying to plan around their schedule, and frankly, it stinks. Sure, when we were in high school and had nothing better to do than spend hours choosing our outfits this was okay. But, now that we have families, careers, and just life we don't have the time to spend basically kissing up to people.

Please don't get me wrong though. I do realize that friendships should never be taken for granted and that they need attention to cultivate and grow. Of course, I will go the extra mile to show that I care and treasure what we have. I want my friends to know that I will be the first person to go running to help in whatever way they need me. I also know that when push comes to shove they would be right next to me all the way. We have already been through some highs and lows together and it has been wonderful to watch our friendship grow through each situation. I look forward to those days when we are in our rockers sharing what we remember about the good ol days.

One of my friends husband overheard us talking about this subject the other day. He heard me say how I don't have time to work at friendships at he said, "Wow, you are tough." Yeah, I probably am. Maybe too much so.

What do you think? Do you have friendships you have to work at and then some that are just easy? Or do you think I'm tough, too?


  1. I don't think you are tough - just realistic. In this time pressed world it's hard enough to find time to upkeep current relationships and friendships - let along grow new one.

  2. Oh, and that's one of the reasons I love my bloggy friends. I can spend 5 minutes "with you" each day and say hello. : )

  3. To be honest, I have lost a few friends from one day deciding to see what would happen if I decided I would not contact them again until they contacted me. You know what? Haven't heard from them in years. It was a sad loss, but really made me see how one sided our relationship was. And that's just not the kind of friend I want. I want to be checked on just as much as I check on them. And I don't think there is a thing wrong with that.

  4. You are not tough - you are real! I too don't have time to work at friendship. Its not supposed to be work. My oldest friend who was my best friend for most of my life was someone that I had to "work" with. We were friends since diapers and were the Maid of Honor in each others weddings. I made her a priority, but she didn't make me one; so I cut it off. There are many days I miss her and her family, but I don't want to be the only one working at it.
    So I think your statement is so true for many of us.

  5. My closest friend and I have known each other for almost 22 years and we often go weeks without speaking for no other reason then we're busy. When we do talk, though, it's like those few weeks never passed.
    It's the best friendship I've ever had.

  6. I don't know..I think it is a real blessing to have a friendship that just comes naturally and requires no work. I don't think it happens that easily for everyone.


Go ahead...tell me like it is!

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